My posts are all out of order chronologically, so bear with me:
When I returned from Canada, I tried to get right back into the groove of dating. I had gotten three numbers from that dating app I mentioned previously “Let’s Date.” If you recall from that post, my main concern was that people would just end up racking up potential dates that served no more purpose than personal validation. Since you don’t send any messages until you know both people are interested, there can be a period of time where neither person messages the other, causing a limbo phase. Of course, it’s the man’s duty to initiate contact (if the girl doesn’t immediately do so – unlikely). I have no problem making first contact ever since starting my journey to be a better man, but the problem with having multiple people waiting for a response is that you only have about a week of hang time before one or both parties lose interest. No one wants to feel like they’re not first choice, so you have to set up the dates quickly. Unfortunately, I had gotten these three numbers before I went on vacation for a week, with one concrete date set up for my return; I’m still new to the online dating scene, but I wasn’t surprised with what happened next.
I reached out to the three girls to see if any of them were still interested. One seemed like she just wanted to text back and forth and not go anywhere so I let her fall by the wayside. The girl who I had set the date with was nothing short of rude when I asked about our meetup. The third girl’s name was Jess* (for the purposes of this post) and she seemed genuinely interested in meeting up still. We set a date for a Friday evening.
The day of our date I was getting ready to go when she texted me saying that the traffic into DC was rough, and if I wanted to reschedule. I thought this was likely just nerves or maybe she was just not interested, but I decided that I wanted to see what would happen that night. Remembering her dating card on Let’s Date, I thought she was relatively attractive, and her answer to the sex question was “I’m up for it.” This was somewhat of a red flag, as I figured the only girls that would mark that answer must be desperate strong independent women embracing their sexuality . I told her I was already on my way to where we were meeting and didn’t want to turn back, even though I was still at my apartment. She agreed to stick to the plan, but I was running late. I told her it was going to take a little extra time to get there; I was taking the metro, and when I looked up where the bar we were meeting was, I realized it was going to be about a 25 minute walk from the station. Being a few minutes late would add to my alpha cred, but I didn’t want to push it too much.
Somehow I got there before she did and ordered a beer at the bar. I texted her saying as much, and she said she was looking for a parking space, and she was wearing a black dress, boots, and a tan jacket. It took about another ten minutes before I finally saw a girl who matched that description. She should have said she was wearing a pool cover. It finally dawned on me:
- the grainy photos on her card were probably a few years old (she looked thin), and the lack of a full body shot meant she was hiding something
- she was 28, past her prime in the SMP (sexual market-place) – four years older than I
- desperate, based on her response to the sex question
- eager to meet despite the week of no contact while I was on vacation
This is not to say she was a whale – she was tall, as indicated on her profile card- she was like 5’10”. But she was definitely a big girl – thick would be a good word to describe her. I was turned off almost immediately, and hoping she didn’t see the disappointment reflected in my face when I went to give her the awkward first meetup hug. We sat down at the bar and began chatting. I quickly realized that this date was going to be a failure, as I was not attracted to her, and I found that we weren’t really having a conversation; it was more like we were waiting for our turn to speak. I had trouble keeping it focused, and she seemed to be interested in talking only about her hobbies, kickball and something else that seemed odd for a 28 year old to be in to. I found myself struggling to keep the conversation going, and I was relieved when she took about ten minutes to use the restroom (she said she had run into a friend or coworker and got wrapped up in a conversation – I didn’t really care why). During this break I thought of ways to gracefully remove myself from the date and head home, but I thought maybe I should give her longer than 20 minutes – online dating is tough and I didn’t really want to be a dick about it. Luckily, the bar we were at had all kinds of games to play, like shuffleboard, skee-ball, and jumbo sized Jenga. The upstairs even had a 9-hole minature golf course.
We decided to test our mettle on the put-put course. To make things interesting, we made a wager – whoever lost would buy the next round of drinks. We barely talked for the next 30 minutes while playing. It seemed like it was going on forever and we had neglected to get refills before the game, so I had nothing to occupy my hands; I was getting fidgety. I felt stupid making generic playful comments, “I’m so going to beat you,” “No way you make this putt,” “You’re so..err.. strong, (hehe)” etc. but we were both trying our best to keep it light and fun, so I give Jess credit for that. I caught myself staring at the group that was playing ahead of us, three hot nubile babes and one beta orbiter who I suspect was paying for all of them (“Oh, you’re such a good friend” – Hah!) As predicted, I thoroughly trounced my opponent by 10 or 20 strokes. The spoils of victory was vodka and Sprite in a highball glass.
At this point the downstairs bar was pretty packed and we couldn’t find anywhere to sit, so we decided to go back upstairs at the other bar. She began moving towards the stairs when a long stream of people came between us. I lost sight of Jess, but she didn’t notice. She was already going up. I approached the stairs, conveniently located near the front door. I hesitated, my eyes shifting from the door to the stairs, weighing my options. I wanted to leave, I was just not really enjoying myself and had no investment in the date. So close, but my conscience got the best of me. I sighed, and headed back up the stairs to join her at a table (I’m such a nice guy). It was much less crowded on the second floor, the hot girls from before were nowhere in sight. We forced a little more small talk, and she seemed to be enjoying herself; I’m not sure if she could tell I was itching to leave. I finished my drink quickly and went to the restroom. When I came back I suggested we call it a night. It was 11pm.
We headed outside and she asked where I parked. I told her I took the metro and would be heading that way. With a kind gesture she offered to drive me there so I could avoid that 25 minute walk. I graciously accepted and hopped in her jeep. We passed her apartment on the way to the metro; she was sure to point it out to me. I joked that she was trying to get me to go to her place but not in a way she would take seriously. She pulled up to the metro and I thanked her for the ride. I gave her a one-armed hug across the center console and grunted something about “mumble mumble next time,” before swiftly exiting the vehicle. Boarding the metro, I took up two seats, put my headphones on and closed my eyes for the long ride home.
